Monday, August 04, 2008
BDSM demo
A couple of weeks ago there was a demo put on by Sir T and His girl R. Although the demo was well attended by TMP members. i know it left a lot of you with many questions and maybe even some fears about this other lifestyle that seems to have invaded your club. Believe it or not we've been there for quite some time. Granted not all BDSM couples are swingers, but then again not all couples are swingers. i'm hoping that with my post, which is probably going to be a long one. i can help put some of those fears to rest and maybe answer some of your questions.
First let me introduce myself, i'm candy. i'm one of the newer members of the TMP staff. For those of you that don't know me, you can usually find me selling raffle tickets, doing tours, cleaning or doing laundry or whatever else needs to be done. What some of you may not know about me is that i'm a submissive, just like R. if you would have told me five years ago i would enjoy the things i now crave, i would have told you that you were out of your mind!!!! Still here i am, learning more and more about myself every day enjoying the new experiences and sensations that i have been privileged to be exposed to.
i know that some were taken aback by what happened to R during the demo. i can say this with the utmost certainty, nothing happened to her that she did not want to happen or know was going to happen. Yes we do play different. But in our lifestyle everything is negotiated, there are limits that are set up between the Dominant and submissive when they enter into their relationship. Yes those limits are respected and honored by both. There are rules and guidelines that we adhere to. Are they set in stone? No. Are we mindless individuals that blindly obey and accept? No. We very much have a voice and a say in what happens. The difference is in how we approach it. We can always discuss things openly and honestly without repercussion. Just like in any relationship if there is no communication there are problems. we are our Dominants most prized and cherished possession. They would never intentionally cause us any physical or emotional harm. Let's face it. You can't play with broken toys. What we give them of our body, mind heart and soul is a gift and is never taken lightly.
Another thing that may have shocked you is when R asked permission to cum and called Sir T “Lord” and was denied at first. This is something that is taught and again mutually agreed upon. Would he expect you to call Him Lord or Master no. That is something that is reserved only for his girl. Even others like myself would not, although we would refer to Him as Sir, simply because He is a dominant. No different that any name you would have for your better half that is simply for the both of you.
The way i try to explain my lifestyle choice to my non lifestyle friends “vanilla friends” is that this is much like an 1800's marriage. The collars that we wear are much like the wedding bands that you wear. They are a symbol of commitment between the Dom and his sub. We have a voice but we defer to our Dominants to make a final decision, knowing He will do what is best for all of us. There is a deep trust between us our relationship is built on that. it is our need to be in service and to perform well that drives us. There is nothing more that anyone wants to here is i'm proud of you, well done. We are rewarded for good behavior just as we would be punished for bad. in our lifestyle what we and how we behave directly reflects on our Dominants, so this thought is always first and foremost in our actions, wherever we are. You're probably thinking OMG did she say punish????? No it's not always corporal, some of us enjoy that too much so it wouldn't be much of a punishment *giggles*. For example if you run your credit card over the limit or he is bringing the boss home for dinner and your decide to do McDonald's instead, wouldn't your spouse be ticked? He probably take the credit card away or even close the account, he may not say anything in front of his boss but you can guarantee he will later. Or if you're at work and decide your not going to do your job the hell with the deadline your boss gave you. is he going to say oh well we'll get it next time? No. It's no different for us.
Believe it or not there are a lot of similarities between the two lifestyles, swingers and BDSM and follow many of the same rules. Were we all born to this lifestyle? No but then again neither were you. it was something that we explored and discovered enhanced our relationships and brought meaning to who and what we are.
in BDSM just like swingers no is no. You don't touch unless you ask. You treat those around you with respect. The concept we follow is called HARD Honor, Accountability, Respect and Duty. After a play session we wear our marks proudly because we know we have served Him well and yes gives us the warm fuzzies and heightens our senses and makes sex afterwards even more amazing than you can possibly imagine. Remember after R was untied she played in the ropes she wore like a kitten playing with a ball of yarn. We learn and grow in our relationship just like you. We are always learning and growing just like you are. if you don't it gets old and boring.
Okay i'm going to quit here because i can go on and on. Please let me leave you with this. if you have any questions, whatsoever, please please please come and talk to me. We can go outside and talk if you would prefer or you can even email me off list. i don't mind.
Submitted proudly and respectfully
candy
First let me introduce myself, i'm candy. i'm one of the newer members of the TMP staff. For those of you that don't know me, you can usually find me selling raffle tickets, doing tours, cleaning or doing laundry or whatever else needs to be done. What some of you may not know about me is that i'm a submissive, just like R. if you would have told me five years ago i would enjoy the things i now crave, i would have told you that you were out of your mind!!!! Still here i am, learning more and more about myself every day enjoying the new experiences and sensations that i have been privileged to be exposed to.
i know that some were taken aback by what happened to R during the demo. i can say this with the utmost certainty, nothing happened to her that she did not want to happen or know was going to happen. Yes we do play different. But in our lifestyle everything is negotiated, there are limits that are set up between the Dominant and submissive when they enter into their relationship. Yes those limits are respected and honored by both. There are rules and guidelines that we adhere to. Are they set in stone? No. Are we mindless individuals that blindly obey and accept? No. We very much have a voice and a say in what happens. The difference is in how we approach it. We can always discuss things openly and honestly without repercussion. Just like in any relationship if there is no communication there are problems. we are our Dominants most prized and cherished possession. They would never intentionally cause us any physical or emotional harm. Let's face it. You can't play with broken toys. What we give them of our body, mind heart and soul is a gift and is never taken lightly.
Another thing that may have shocked you is when R asked permission to cum and called Sir T “Lord” and was denied at first. This is something that is taught and again mutually agreed upon. Would he expect you to call Him Lord or Master no. That is something that is reserved only for his girl. Even others like myself would not, although we would refer to Him as Sir, simply because He is a dominant. No different that any name you would have for your better half that is simply for the both of you.
The way i try to explain my lifestyle choice to my non lifestyle friends “vanilla friends” is that this is much like an 1800's marriage. The collars that we wear are much like the wedding bands that you wear. They are a symbol of commitment between the Dom and his sub. We have a voice but we defer to our Dominants to make a final decision, knowing He will do what is best for all of us. There is a deep trust between us our relationship is built on that. it is our need to be in service and to perform well that drives us. There is nothing more that anyone wants to here is i'm proud of you, well done. We are rewarded for good behavior just as we would be punished for bad. in our lifestyle what we and how we behave directly reflects on our Dominants, so this thought is always first and foremost in our actions, wherever we are. You're probably thinking OMG did she say punish????? No it's not always corporal, some of us enjoy that too much so it wouldn't be much of a punishment *giggles*. For example if you run your credit card over the limit or he is bringing the boss home for dinner and your decide to do McDonald's instead, wouldn't your spouse be ticked? He probably take the credit card away or even close the account, he may not say anything in front of his boss but you can guarantee he will later. Or if you're at work and decide your not going to do your job the hell with the deadline your boss gave you. is he going to say oh well we'll get it next time? No. It's no different for us.
Believe it or not there are a lot of similarities between the two lifestyles, swingers and BDSM and follow many of the same rules. Were we all born to this lifestyle? No but then again neither were you. it was something that we explored and discovered enhanced our relationships and brought meaning to who and what we are.
in BDSM just like swingers no is no. You don't touch unless you ask. You treat those around you with respect. The concept we follow is called HARD Honor, Accountability, Respect and Duty. After a play session we wear our marks proudly because we know we have served Him well and yes gives us the warm fuzzies and heightens our senses and makes sex afterwards even more amazing than you can possibly imagine. Remember after R was untied she played in the ropes she wore like a kitten playing with a ball of yarn. We learn and grow in our relationship just like you. We are always learning and growing just like you are. if you don't it gets old and boring.
Okay i'm going to quit here because i can go on and on. Please let me leave you with this. if you have any questions, whatsoever, please please please come and talk to me. We can go outside and talk if you would prefer or you can even email me off list. i don't mind.
Submitted proudly and respectfully
candy
http://www.sdc.com
