The Meeting Place

Many new couples seem to think that attending a party at a swingers club is a big orgy from one end to the other and that there will be pressure to participate. I hear this over and over when new couples come through the door for the first time. So I wanted to take a few moments to tell everyone what TMP (The Meeting Place) and the majority of swingers clubs are like.

First at TMP when you come in it looks very much like a house, it is a house except there is 14 bedrooms and what most call a very large bar area. Coming to TMP is much like going out to any night club, well except it is BYOB. The bar area has tables and chairs and a dance floor. There's a big pop cooler to keep your cold things in and a pop machine to add to your drinks. Most people use this area to simply meet people. They dance, talk, laugh and joke around. There may be a few playful things that go on here but for the most part it's pretty tame.

There is never pressure to do anything at any time that makes you uncomfortable. People wear what they are comfortable wearing, if you prefer to stay in your jeans and sweater all night and just hang out and meet people that is a fine way to go. Some people do dress down into lingerie, and all types of it. The ladies I would say mainly wear a chemise type nightie, but there are some that are more adventurous and get into the fun teddies and other skimpy outfits, there may even be a few who prefer being topless or naked. It's all a matter of comfort. For the men, boxers and T-shirts seem to be the majority rules clothing of choice, but there are some who go as far as the cute G-strings, and some just to a pair of lounge pants and t-shirt.

It's all about you and what makes you comfortable, don't feel because someone else goes and dresses down that you have to. You move at your own pace and should feel comfortable doing so. We have plenty of couple who do just come to meet other open minded adults. We do ask that if you want to go upstairs into the play area that you dress down. This again is to your comfort level, what ever form of night wear you are most comfortable in, that's fine with us. We ask that you wear slippers or flip flops or something along those lines and not street shoes, there's a lot of bare feet up there and getting stepped on by shoes hurts.

Ok now that's we've covered the clothing issue, let's move into other things. When it comes to playing that is completely your choice. The swingers lifestyle has many forms within itself. There are full swap couples, meaning they swap partners completely. There are soft swap couples, these couples may only swap for foreplay, or oral sex, but when it comes to actual intercourse they go back to their partners. There are couples that come simply because they like to watch and be watched. Then there are even others who are simply open minded enough to want to meet other open minded people and spend the night making friend for possible future encounters. There are couples that only play together, and those that only play apart. There are bi women and men, and straight women and men. There are those women who enjoy gang bangs, and couples who enjoy a good old fashioned orgy. There are couples who are just looking for a single female or male. These are things you and your partner should discuss before hand. Decide what things you would like to try, and what things you absolutely want to stay away from. If you decide that during you first time at a club you are only there to observe and meet people, stick to that. Come out, hang around, talk with couples, get a feel for the place, and then head home to discuss it. Any and all forms of that list above are acceptable. It's all about you and your comfort levels.

We always try and tell new couples to discuss your limits. This lifestyle works when communication is good. You must be able to tell each other what it is your looking for and decide what your rules are. This goes for going to a club or just meeting a couple outside of a club situation. Discuss everything, from condom use to how far either of you are willing to go and let your partner go. Make sure things are clear between you before meeting anyone or attending any parties. That's a sure way to make sure you will not have problems with your partner later.
If you go to a club, and you have your set rules, don't change them half way through the night. Go home discuss it first, and then decide if you want to change things. We say things sometimes because we're excited and then later regret changing it, or come to find out our partner was just too uncomfortable to state their case in the situation. This is where a lot of couples run into problems. So if you have a rule about not playing the first time you go to a club, don't suddenly decide through the night you are both comfortable enough to do so now that you've actually gotten there and met a few people. Wait go home and if you are both still in agreement after you've had a chance to discuss it outside of the club, then change your rules then, and come back again to another party.

I haven't heard a lot of men complain about this one, so I am going to put this out there for the women. A lot of women, myself included when I was new, think because you are at a club and you are putting yourself out there so to speak, that it's ok for anyone to touch you and you really can't say anything about it. This is so NOT the case. It is your body and you get to decide who can or can't touch or anything else for that matter. Just because you let someone do something once this also doesn't mean they should just assume it's ok again. There should be a level of respect there. Do not let yourself be pressured by anyone, your partner included to do anything that you may possibly feel regret over later. Life is too short to have regrets, if your uncomfortable speak up, don't stay silent and deal with it later. If someone does do something or goes to do something you just aren't comfortable with say NO. It is ok to say no, I will repeat that, it is very ok to say NO. I know Phyllis (the club owner) and myself try very hard to make sure all ladies know that for a fact. If you are uncomfortable saying no, work some sort of signal out with your partner ahead of time so they can say no for you. You do need to learn to be a bit brave here though and say no for yourself, it is very empowering, learning to say no or yes what ever the case may be. It really is your choice, and you shouldn't let someone else make it for you.

For all new couples, clubs can be intimidating. Your nervous as heck, your afraid of rejection, and your scared that others won't talk to you. We all know this, everyone who is in that room with you at some point was there for a first time. Nervousness and fear are quite common, and almost every new couple has some at a certain level. This is totally normal. A club is only going to be what you make of it though, if you come in and sit off by yourselves and don't at least try and meet people, you probably won't have a very good time. Our club has a staff of 13 members, most of whom are there on any given night. We also have a theme or event every Saturday night to try and help people get acquainted. If you are really having a hard time of it, and just can't seem to break out of your shell a little. Find a staff member, let them know your having a problem, we're used to helping new couples get through first night jitters. When going through a tour, our host couples invite new couples to sit with them, take them up on that offer. They will help introduce you to other club members. Get out on the dance floor, participate in the game or event. We do our best to try and make sure everyone is having a good time, but there are times when we are busy and don't get to everyone, so please let us know if you are really just having a hard time meeting people. Our club has enough members who come on a regular basis who we know would be more than happy to sit and help out a new couple and introduce them around.

So what sets TMP apart from other clubs, well for one it's so much more like going to a party at a friends house than it is a club. Dave and I have attended a few other clubs, we chose TMP because the people there were real. Everyone was friendly, you weren't judged on appearance, or finances, or color. It's just a group of real people who work hard all week and want a place to let off some steam over the weekend. TMP is much like going to any local bar, we all think of Cheers when we think of TMP. It really is a place to just be yourself, unwind and make some great friends. Anything else is a bonus.

I hope this post set some fear to rest for some people. I know going to a club was very intimidating for me personally, I was absolutely terrified. I was curious though at the same time, and after my second visit to TMP I realized that it really was a nice place to hang out. Most people who know me would never know I was one of those couples who sat off in the back table in the room and kept to myself. I was extremely quiet and shy and wasn't going to put myself out there for anything. There happened to be a couple at the club on our second visit who just asked us to sit with them, we did and the rest is pretty much history. It was that night I realized that I could just go and meet people and I didn't need to feel pressured to do anything I didn't want to do. It took me a little while longer to learn it was ok for me to say no when I felt uncomfortable, which is why I always tell women they can say no at any time for any reason, and they don't have to share that reason if they don't want to. The words no should be enough for anyone. So where I was once shy and timid, I am now more confident and self assured. I love being part of a wonderful place like TMP. I have made some of the best friends in my life there and I love being there on the weekends, which is why I take the time writing for this page as well as volunteering my time at the club. The Meeting Place is a special place, and it is so because of it's people and it's owner.

I hope this post helps even just one couple with their fears of clubs. One last piece of advice, if you attend a club and your first experience isn't great give it another chance on another night. If after your second of third time there you still don't feel like this is a place you'd like to visit again, try another club, give it the same opportunity. All clubs have a different atmosphere and feel to them, and because the crowd constantly changes so does the attitude a little, so don't be so quick to give up if you didn't have a fantastic night your first time. Sometimes it could just be your nerves, or maybe it was just an off night. What ever the case, give it more than one chance you might just be really glad you did, I know I am.

Trish

Labels: FAQ, swing club, swingers club, swingers help, swingers lifestyle